9 HOT: BALL GAGS, ETC

Learning about BDSM

The Basics At first glance the world of BDSM can seem pretty daunting. All the mysterious rules and leather gimp(we recommend the Full Hood-Removable Blindfold and Gag) masks are enough to give many people the shivers. Here's a brief guide to the world outside of vanilla sex...

What does it mean? B for Bondage, this can range from fashion accessory (think punk trousers with straps and safety pins) to intricate ropework as part of a fetish scene. Most often, it means some kind of restraint, whether Silk Scarf (we recommend the Silk Bindish Sash), Handcuffs (we recommend Police Handcuffs or Leather Straps (we recommend the Lethal Leather Cuffs).

D for Domination, s for submission, again, this covers a world of possibilities, from acting out a one off scene to a lifetime slave and master contract. (Let them know who is in charge with the Word Band Collar.)

S and M for Sado-masochism, this naturally forms a part of Dominance and submission. Whether mild pain (a light spanking, say) or more hard-core forms of sadism, SM is a way to explore the pain/pleasure field. (Show your submissive side with a Word Band Collar).

Often, elements of bondage, domination/submission and SM are combined in a scene'. A common theme is power play, whether physical or psychological.

The Rules

First and foremost, it is imperative that all BDSM is safe, sane and consensual'. This means that both (or all) partners are aware of what they want and what their own and others limits are, and that all parties agree on these beforehand. For those involved in BDSM, communication is paramount. This might mean discussion with a partner about what will happen or a more formal written agreement. Particular attention should be paid to safety considerations if restraints are being used, and a safe word' should be agreed on before a scene. This means a word (or gesture) that signals play should stop immediately. If the scene involves a gag or the participant is unable to speak for some reason, there needs to be a clear way for them to make it known that they wish to stop. Legislation varies from place to place, but inflicting physical pain is often not legally permitted, even if both partners have consented.

The Community

For many people, BDSM is a lifestyle choice. There are local groups almost everywhere who may meet up regularly for friendship or to play'. Groups are usually tolerant and broad minded, and willing to accept a wide range of alternative lifestyles'. Others may only be interested in BDSM that never go further than an occasional session in the privacy of their own bedroom.

Freedom of choice, tolerance and consensuality are the keystones of BDSM, whether that means giving your lover a playful spanking or installing your own personal dungeon in the basement. The most important thing is knowing what you want and communicating it to your partner.

For further information we recommend the following books: How to be a Dominant Diva; SM 101: A Realistic Introduction.

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The Versatile Fashionista: Dressing for Dom/Sub Play

The key to sexy role-play, particularly with a Dom / Sub twist, is only limited by your imagination, of course, but the more you can help the imagination out with a few props or "costumes" the more satisfying the experience will be. Face it, most people's ideas about what to wear for Dom / Sub playtime are based on two primary sources, one is mainstream media, such as television and movies, and the other is online porn sites. The problem with both of these is that they quickly become cliche and cliches don't always spark the imagination nor lend themselves to creative scenarios. So let's look at ways you can inject a bit of you and your play partner into the creative mix of your fashion choices for more pleasurable Dom / Sub times.

You can spend a lot of money on Dom / Sub gear -- you know the sort of thing, high boots, leather strapping, masks, and so forth. And if you're seriously into the scene, you should have a set or three of high-quality "costumes" as part of your wardrobe such as the Latex Dominatrix Dress or the Sexy Police Officer. Stereo-typical or not, it's expected and is comparable to your "Sunday best" attire (think suit and tie for men, semi-formal dress for women). However, just as you have club clothes and "kick around" casuals, you should have their equivalent in Dom / Sub wear just for variety.

In a separate article, we'll cover what the "best dressed" Dom / Sub might be wearing, but for now let's focus on the more casual garb. Fashion tips will vary depending on your particular choices of "scenes," but generally you should concentrate on the "eye candy" appeal. If the scenarios you enjoy most are fairly standard, take a page from those media stereotypes but with a fetish twist.

While many peoples' mental image of Dom / Sub role costumes are based on the Gor novels, the fantasy artwork of Boris Vallejo, or the Hercules/Xena television series, there are a number of options that are readily adaptable to dominance/submissive scenes. Just take a look at the numerous "pulp fiction" cover art sites available on the Internet. There you'll see damsel in distress, bondage, tough guy/tough girl, and rough sex images that should give your imagination a real boost. For more ideas try Nina Hartley's Guide to Erotic Bondage.

Women should visit their local thrift stores or vintage clothing outlets and buy some inexpensive full length or half-slips. Back in the day these used to be considered part of underwear, but they can also serve as a kind of tawdry "come get me" lingerie, especially when worn with nothing else. The thinner material the better for the see-thru look and you can snip one of the shoulder straps to add extra sexiness. If you can find really inexpensive slips, you won't even mind so much if it becomes "torn and ripped" during Dom / Sub play.

For damsel in distress attire or perhaps that prim slinky look favored for bondage, there are any number of boutiques catering to the retro 1940s look. Fetish photographers particularly like the "gun moll" or "femme fatale" look for either dommes or switched subs. Many dominants of either gender enjoy their subs in pseudo-children's togs (like halloween costumes for adults) or casual summery "throw aways" such as cut off jeans and open shirts or mid-drift blouses. Ready made scenarios come to mind such as the "rescued" castaway or the "kidnapped" beach goer, so summer casuals are an easy play time addition to your Dom / Sub wardrobe.

For fetishy doms, there's always the universal appeal of leather: jackets, boots, pants, snug strapping and strap-on harnesses, and even fetish masks if that's your particular tweak. One of the standard Dom / Sub practices is to act out the difference in perceived social class, so you can mix and match clothing to suit any number of "culture clashes," such as button-down yuppie and goth-punker, girly-virgin and rough biker, drill sergeant and raw recruit, inexperienced nerd and bad boy/bad girl. Really, the contrasts are only limited by your imagination and that applies to play clothes as well. So go shopping with your Dom / Sub scenes in mind and let your sexy imagination lead the way. You'll soon have a wardrobe with enough variety to pique the desire of whichever Dom/Domme or Sub you choose to play with.